OMG, it Happened Again!

I was watching the movie Seven recently, and the character Brad Pitt plays asked the bad guy if insane people know they are insane. It's an interesting question that fits my story a little. I am an overweight man. And I always think to myself, boy, if I notice I am gaining more weight, I will buckle down and work hard to stop myself.

It didn't happen! I didn't notice, FFS. I have been getting some work done on my van. We were talking about the bed mechanism, and the builder asked me how much I weighed. He answered for me right after "400 lbs." I replied 400!!! No, no, I weigh around 295 -300. The truth was that I had no idea what I weighed because I stopped weighing myself about a year ago. I probably read something stupid that said to stop weighing yourself for this reason or that.

So his comment had me thinking, "Hmm, I wonder how much I weigh?" Within the last three months, I have seen little signs here and there. Just maneuvering in my van has been a struggle. The zipper in my winter coat popped. The winter coat that I had used to be enormous before now fits. Plus, I went to the big and tall store and purchased super stretchy pants. These pants are fantastic, but you know you are getting big when they are so stretchy.

I have battled my weight for most of my life. The funny thing, though, is that I weighed 120 lbs when I went through basic training in 1977 (48 years ago). I am 6'2" tall and sturdy enough to carry the weight that I have become, but when will I ever catch on?

My most successful weight loss journey was when my wife and I joined Weight Watchers and became part of a walking group. We met constantly to walk, just about every evening. We would walk and then go for a coffee at Mcdonald's and shoot the shit. But with all good things comes drama, and this broke up the group. Covid shut down the WW's group we all attended. Back to trying to lose weight on your own.

Shortly after that, I started into veganism mostly because my stomach became sensitive to everything. I have watched the Forks over Knives movie and I feel better eating this way. But neither my wife nor I are great cooks, and she has stayed the course as a carnivore, so we don't match up that well eating-wise. I recently purchased this van to travel across North America, a dream she does not share. And I had every intention to take off. However, some stuff got in the way, and I ended up sticking around into the winter.

So today, I weighed myself, and no, some fat people don't realize they are so fat. At least I didn't. I don't look in the mirror much, and I don't look at pictures of myself much. And when I look down, I don't see a fat guy. I just saw a guy. But the signs are there that it has become unreasonable. I have been having heart palpitations or afib warnings on my watch. I have somehow ballooned up to 356 lbs! How did this happen? Did anyone else notice that I was gaining so much? I certainly didn't.

I have often thought to myself that this is a form of suicide. Slow suicide by fat. That's a little depressing, but it's true. I have to get this under control. Now, while I am still in a familiar place, I can. I have joined a gym and will go swimming, walk, and follow a plant-based whole-food eating plan. I have the time and the direction. I just have to stick to it. Otherwise, I am headed to an early grave. At 64, it's time to grow up and take some responsibility.

What will I do differently? Well, I now have more time than I have ever had. I have been waiting for my van to get fixed up so that I can travel easily. I was hoping to venture down to Arizona, but I fear that that will be a plan for 2026. I will stay local for the next 3-4 months (I don't have snow tires). I might travel to Canada and maybe Alaska in 2025 and then venture down the West Coast in the winter.

Over the next few months, I will work on getting my eating in check. I will no longer order meals. I will learn to make plant-based meals and get into regular walking, swimming, and going to the gym.

How am I going to stay on track? Well, that's a good question. I recently changed my blog and YouTube channel to StanAlive. From this point on, I intend to share the narrative of living life. What have you been doing up till now, Stan? Have you not been living? Well, no, I don't think that I have. I have been going through the motions of living but not really feeling anything. Not making friends, not venturing out.

Well, now I am going to start feeling alive. I am a little late in the game, but that doesn't matter. Anytime is a good time. Today is here, tomorrow is not guaranteed, and yesterday is gone.